"Home For the Holidays"- Dating Tips

There are plenty of opportunities to mix & mingle and reconnect with Potentials (people you might want to date!) during the holidays.  Make sure you take advantage of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve to maximize your chances of finding that special someone, even if you will be traveling Home for the Holidays!

ATTITUDE

First off, this year, you will have a positive ATTITUDE about the holidays.  No matter where you are going for them, your new outlook on the holidays is this is a time to meet new potentials!  That cute guy or girl is right around the corner.  Positive thinking always helps your outlook on life and the task at hand.  You’re going to have a great time this year.  You are open, lovable, and ready to meet that Special Someone.

TRAVEL

So, you are waiting for your flight (and you usually have TWO hours to waste for that) and you have a new mindset that you are going to do the holidays different this year.  What can you do?  Hmm..let me think!  There are a whole bunch of people going to YOUR DESTINATION that you have at least an hour to waste with!  Meet some of them!    You don’t have to try to meet the opposite sex here.  You can make an acquaintance with someone of the SAME SEX and voile -you have a new friend that can possibly introduce you to a set of people that you don’t know in your hometown!  TALK to those around you.  Exchange business cards.  Ask them if there is anything fun happening in the next few days.  You could be invited to a party.  If you are able to really connect (say on a business level with the person, or if you have something major in common, like a frat or sorority or church/club affiliation) invite them to lunch while you are there.

Use the LOUNGES in the airport if you can.  GROUPON (or was it Living Social?) had a deal recently for a low cost to use Delta’s Sky Lounge for a few trips.  If you want someone who is likely going to be sitting in FIRST or BUSIENSS class, get into those fancy lounges and chat them up. 

Same thing with however you are traveling (train or bus).  Start being friendly! But remember not to try to set up a date right away, just a friendship.  You don’t want to come off like you are a player.  Just keep it friendly.

NOTE: You can also ask people that are waiting for your flight (going to your destination) if they know of any cool spots to hang out or where the happening spots are.  There might be new spots that have opened up since you moved away.  You want places to go where you can meet some cool people.

Networking is great to expand your social circle and possibly meet The One, so talk! 

Talk to the person sitting next to you on the plane if they are open.  You never know who you are sitting by and who they know, so ask them a few questions.  At least ask if they know of anything fun happening or where the best places to chill are (jazz spots, clubs, etc.).

SHOPPING

So Thanksgiving was great.  You’re full of food; you’ve caught up with all the family, the holiday is over.  What happens the next day?  Yes, that’s right!  Black Friday!  But I don’t need anything, you say.   Sure you do!  You need to meet that special someone!  So what do you do?  You get up in the morning and head out to the popular stores!  But it will be a nightmare, you say.  Not for you!  It’s only a nightmare for those are that really shopping.  You are just people watching!

I’m not saying you have to get up at 3AM.  But do get up, have some breakfast, and hit the stores.  Black Friday is great, as well as just before Christmas.

Ladies, you especially want to hit the stores like Best Buy and Radio Shack or at least go to the electronic section if you are at a discount or department store.  That’s usually where the men will be.

Men - department stores are good to meet women.  But keep in mind that women shop longer than you do, so if you spot a cutie, don’t wait until she is done shopping.  That could take hours.  Start a conversation early. 

Do lunch around shopping.  People who have shopped are going to get hungry and want to eat.  Of course if it is Black Friday they may head home to finish off the Thanksgiving leftovers, but then again, leftovers might be for dinner, so have lunch out and be friendly to who’s around.

If it is a town center type place or Mall, you can simply hang out.

Women, if you are hanging out – some guy is going to try to talk to you.  It’s a given as long as you don’t have a scowl on your face.  Look pleasant.  Say Hello or Happy Holidays! Be open to talking.

Meet at least ONE new person – male or female.  People are always chatting in lines with the people around them.  Strike up a conversation (don’t forget to have something in your basket, even if it is just a CD or DVD.  You must buy something).

Take this seriously.  You are using this holiday time to really make some connections, so make a real effort.

GATHERINGS

If you meet someone new while you were travelling, shopping or elsewhere, and they tell you about a party, brunch or gathering of some sort – GO!  Remember, this is a new you, a new time where you are going to do things differently.  This holiday season is about meeting new people and making connections.

Throw your own party if you have the means.  Some of you will be at home with parents or family and can’t ask others to come over, but some of you can.  It doesn’t have to be fancy.  Invite people over and ask them to bring leftovers from Thanksgiving.  Or if you have enough leftovers for everyone, tell them to just bring the drinks, desserts or ice.  Ask them to bring a friend you don’t know and you’ve got new connections!

RECONNECT

And that brings me to reconnecting with old friends.  This party can be a ‘reconnection bash’ where you invite people you forgot about or haven’t seen in a while. 

The internet is spectacular for finding people you lost touch with!  Use Facebook!  Try Classmates.com or Reunion.com to reconnect with old classmates.  See if they will be home for the holidays, too. Contact people BEFORE you travel home and set something up in advance, even if it is just “coffee catch up.”

SEARCH

To meet NEW people, look up singles in the city you will be in on Match.com or whatever dating site you are on, or free sites like Craig’s List or PlentyofFish.  Respond to interesting Craig’s list ads.  Send messages to Match.com members that are located where you will be going and let them know you’ll be around for a brief time.   Don’t forget to follow the safety measures when meeting people online!

Try MEETUP.com to see what activities or parties are happening in the area during the dates you are there and GO to something. Make the holidays a time to reconnect with old friends, meet new people and have some fun!  You never know what can happen!

Happy Dating!!!

For more tips, get the teleseminar “Holiday Hookups: Dating Strategies for the Holidays” at http://www.kikistrickland.com/

Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker and certified relationship coach for singles. She is affiliated with the Matchmaking Institute, Coaches Institute International, and RCI, The Relationship Coaching Institute. She has been matchmaking and working with singles since 2006.  Visit www.keeshastrickland.com for more information.

Computer Love Experience~Give Me Quality Over Quantity Any Day

Does it really matter if you get hundreds of men that will poke you or even message you on your online dating profile if most of them put the “L” in LOSER? I mean really, do numbers even matter? Most women decide to try online dating because they want to meet a quality guy and not like many of the buttholes they’ve met in times past. I don’t know about you but I’d take quality over quantity any day. Who really wants to spend time sitting in front of computer sifting through mounds of request from men that for one reason or another you wouldn’t give a time of day if you were to meet them out on the street.

Majority of women would hope to find a quality man online but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. One prime example comes from J.B., 30 of San Antonio Texas who began online dating in 2005. She signed up to six sites based on their reviews and word of mouth from others (Match.com, EHarmony, OKCupid, Christian Mingle, PlentyofFish, and MarryWell.)   Online dating sounded like a good idea at the time” she explains.

But those feelings have since changed. J.B. met a guy online and after getting to know him via phone they both decided to meet for coffee. It wouldn’t take long for her to realize that she wasn’t dealing with a quality guy after all. His first strike came when he arrived at the coffee shop, looking nothing like his profile picture. The number one rule for online dating is to post pictures that look like you now and not when you were a freshman in high school or of someone you wished you looked like. Despite his first strike she continued on with the date.  However the straw that broke the camel’s back came when he started making negative comments about the coffee shop they were at and the food she ordered.  

When asked how her online dating experience has been J.B. answered “it’s been terrible”. In fact she ceased all of her online dating communication just a few months ago. J.B. is no longer an advocate for online dating and in fact wouldn’t recommend it to others. Although she doesn’t knock that some women have been and continue to be successful with finding quality men online as for her she chooses to take her chances by sticking with meeting men the traditional way, face to face.  When asked what piece of advice she would give others contemplating online dating, J.B. strongly advises others if they can afford to, spend their money using a professional matchmaker instead.

Have you met someone thinking he was a quality only to find out later he was a total loser?

October Computer Love Experience Series~ "To Each's Own"

"Is online dating for me? Will I be labeled as desperate or needy? Will others think something’s wrong with me or wonder why I’ve resorted to finding companionship via the World Wide Web? I can just hear them now saying this chick must be unattractive, grossly overweight with a trillion kids with a billion different baby daddies. Something has got to be wrong with me. Why else would an attractive woman want to sit in front of a computer all night hoping to strike a goldmine by meeting her own personal Denzel Washington.”

These are just a few of the many stereotypical questions and comments that whirl through a number of people’s minds as they turn their noses up at countless women who try their hands at online dating. And if truth be told these very questions ring true even for women who are online themselves trying to connect with her “Do Right Man”.

Yeah, yeah, we know, we know there are a number of online dating disaster stories. From women thinking they were going to meet a Shamar Moore look a-like only to sit disgustedly across the restaurant’s table with an Elmer Fudd look -alike. Or what about the stories of countless women who had to pay for the first and would be last date because the guy conveniently pulled “I forgot my wallet at home” punk move. Not to mention she had to drive him home because his mama dropped him off for their first face to face encounter.

While there are countless stories of online dating blunders there are just as much if not more online dating success stories. One prime example Ericka, 41 from Albany, NY who decided to try online dating. Ericka quickly became bored and tired of the club and bars scene so she decided to spice her life up a bit. Dabbling with online dating was the perfect way for her to try something new. AOL’s chat rooms would be where Ericka would spend much of her time testing the online dating waters.  Ericka like most were a bit hesitant to go the online route.  She wondered what others would think of her decision and thought the guys she was going to meet where either crazy or had criminal backgrounds a mile long.

When asked what this whole ordeal has taught her she says that this experience has taught her patience and when the time is right the time will be just right for women to meet that special someone. She does however caution women who are contemplating online dating not to give too much of their personal information. She advises women to fully get to know a person before deciding to jump into anything serious. She also shares that a woman should not limit herself by focusing on just one man at a time. She feels it’s perfectly OK to see other people until both you and that special someone is ready to take the friendship to the next level.

While Ericka admits that dating online was a long and frustrating process, in the end it was all worth it.  Ericka just celebrated her third year anniversary with her husband whom she met online. Ericka shares,

“When I met my now husband, we chatted online for a few hours. He asked if he could call so I gave him my cell phone number.  We spoke 7 hours that night. For an entire week we spoke on average 3-4 hours a night talking about our day.  Finally he asked if we could meet and I agreed.  To be safe I decided to meet him at a club. We danced and had a good time that we did it again the next night.  I never chatted with a guy that long, so when we did meet; it was as if I knew him for years.

Ericka leaves others with this last piece of advice.

“The man of your dreams is out there, you just have to put aside all the drama and let God lead you; that is what I did”.

How to Turn Your Online Profile into a Unique Advertisement

There are so many dating sites and so many singles online – how can you stand out?  Think about business branding as a concept.  Branding serves 4 functions:

1 – to help the customer remember the product

2 – to convey a complex message quickly

3 – to help the customer distinguish your product from a similar product

4 – to create positive appeal to entice someone to BUY the product

If you are on an online dating site, YOU are the product!

Why should someone be interested in you?  You are a fabulous person, but how can you demonstration how wonderful you are across a computer screen in the brief time someone of the opposite sex scans a profile? 

It’s hard to do and many singles are frustrated with their profiles AND those they read.

Make yours stand out!  Here is how.

FIRST - Come up with a dazzling screen/user name and headline.  Don’t rush to do this.  It may take a few days to come up with a great one.  You must think of adjectives that describe you.  Ask a friend to help.

Take out a sheet of paper and make three columns.  In Column 1 write PHYSICAL TRAITS.  In Column 2 label it PERSONALITY TRAITS.  In Column 3 write OTHER.

In the column for PHYSICAL, write down all the adjectives and phrases that describe your appearance.  Examples of this section would have things like tall, curvy, thin, blonde, voluptuous, fit, elegant, Asian (White, Black, Latino, etc.), great teeth, wavy hair.  Keep writing until you have an extensive list about your look, including how you dress (i.e. casual, elegant, preppy).

In the PERSONALITY column, write down adjectives that describe how you act and feel.  For example, write down things like shy, feisty, sassy, low-maintenance, honest, witty, sarcastic.  

In the column marked OTHER, put everything else there is about you down on paper, such as religion, birthplace, profession, sports or talents and other things.  This section will have words like Christian, skier, Redskins fan, Ohio Native, single mom, chess champion, reality show junkie, etc.

Be honest.  You can write down negative things about you as well.  The goal is to have a long list of things that describe you.

You should even use the thesaurus function in MS WORD to see how to describe some of the words in a different way, i.e. tall can become statuesque.

Now comes the fun part!  Pick THREE words (one from each column) that feel the best to you and are an accurate reflection of you.

One of my male clients did this exercise and he chose “Witty Boston Chef” and used it as his headline on his profile. 

Try a few combinations and see what feels right.

SECOND – Write an interesting Body of your profile

Your profile is not a time to talk about what you won’t tolerate in a relationship or what happened in your past.  Your profile is where you establish your PRODUCT/BRAND that will make the reader want to know more.  You should be brief, be positive, and be unique.  You ARE unique.  There is no one else exactly like you and that is what you want to come across. 

It is ok to look at other profiles before you do the body of yours to see what other men and women are saying.  Which ones interest you?  Why?  How are those different from the boring ones?

Remember to focus on what makes you unique while you are writing.  Use the words and phrases from your columns to talk about who you are.  Interests and hobbies will sound more unique when you divulge a few more details about them.  If you expound on WHY you do or like something, you are providing a little more insight to what makes you YOU.

For instance, instead of writing “I enjoy reading fiction, running, and playing card games” write something like “I am a huge fan of John Grisham because I love criminal law and psychological thrillers.”  Just that little bit of extra information makes reading your profile more interesting and not so generic.  Lots of people list reading as a hobby.  But why?  And what?  Think about why you do something or how you got started in it or add a funny or interesting fact about your hobby.

But don’t get long-winded.  Remember singles are looking at hundreds of profiles and only spend about five seconds reading before their mind is ready to move on to something else unless it really grabs them.

THIRD – have a trusted friend look over your profile and give you feedback.  It really helps if it is an opposite sex friend giving the feedback.  I, as a relationship coach, work with singles on their profiles, so I can help you as well.  You can contact me if you are interested in my services for online dating help.  You can also order my audio class called “Love on the Net” for more tips on succeeding at online dating.

Happy Dating!

Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker and certified relationship coach for singles. She is affiliated with the Matchmaking Institute, Coaches Institute International, and RCI, The Relationship Coaching Institute. She has been matchmaking and working with singles since 2006.  Visit www.keeshastrickland.com for more information.

Computer Love Experience Update- We Are Just Days Away

In preparation for our Computer Love Experience kicking off for the month of October, read how Sherrea of Maryland answered as to why she decided to try online dating?

“First it was because I was newly single and was not meeting anyone after my divorce. Then, I was working out of state commuting to Pennsylvania (PA) and thought it would be nice to find someone where I worked. As time progressed, I moved to PA as well as Illinois and thought that would be a good way to meet someone.”

There is more where this came from so stay tuned.

What You Can Expect:

The purpose of the Computer Love Experience is just that an “Experience”. Each week you will read about the good, the bad and the ugly from women who’ve tried their hand at online dating. You will read stories of women who’ve hit the jackpot in finding their true love while others feel as if online dating has left a bad taste in their mouths.  

We will also be following three brave women who’ve decided to take the online dating challenge. Each will each sign up as first time users to an online dating site of their choice and journal their first rate experience just for our readers. A dating coach will also be on hand to guide them through their online dating journey.

Regardless of what side of the fence you are on with online dating these stories will leave you wanting to read more. Some stories are insightful, witty and honest while others are downright hilarious.  There's still time to join in on the fun. Be sure to email us at iambondinc@gmail.com.

Be sure to become a follower of the BOND Inc blog so that you can always be informed.

Until Next Time